Untiteld 2

An elaboration of the the previous post.

WhiteRoom is one piece of a march larger puzzle I’ve been working on. I guess, at the core, at the very center of the storm, is the question of what is life about, but that is entirely too abstract to find a suitable answer. People have been searching for that question since the dawn of cognition. I doubt in my 24 years here I’ve found some hidden secret everyone before me simply overlooked. However, that doesn’t stop me from trying. So instead of asking what is life about, I think I’ve got a pretty good handle on that by the way, I’m trying to figure out how to live.

So far, I’ve tried a few different approaches. Living behind the curtain of drugs worked for a while, not real well, but I could do it. Cynicism seems like an easy option, though it ends in an ugly, forsaken, slow death. I’ve never really tried unbridled optimism. I don’t plan on it, either. That’s just not in my nature. The most recent path I’ve taken has been materialism. Dear God that has been the worst choice to date. It’s a coalescence of cynicism, optimism, narcissism, and megalomania. I enjoy all of those on occasion. When combined, though, they are exhausting and unimaginably unfulfilling.

Now I’ve embarked on another approach that I’m not sure what to call. Minimalism if you want, though that is way to broad and inaccurate. Maybe a little bit of Ludditeism, though I enjoy my laptop and new iTouch. And just considering this adds a dash of narcissism. Who knows, maybe it’s all just a reaction to the culture of consumption I’ve been raised in. I’ve always had a problem with authority. I like to do the opposite of what I’m told, even when I know it is bad for me. Regardless, I’m trying to get by with less, at least according to conventional standards. I’m going sans television, including DVDs, for the foreseeable future, though I still go to the movie theater on a regular basis. Eventually I’ll cave and get the Internet in my apartment, but I’ve got motives for that I’m not going to discuss here. (Believe it or not, it’s not porn)

I guess what I’m trying to do is eliminate anything that would cause me to avoid interacting with people. I want to be forced to find entertainment in strangers. I don’t want to watch a movie, I want to be involved in situations that could be in a movie. That’s the real fun. I don’t want escapism. I want realism. I want the concrete and tactile sensations that come with actually experiencing something, not just watching it on a screen.

Dear God, has this splintered into the incomprehensible ravings of a lunatic, or someone who has a tenuous hold on reality at best? Why didn’t you speak up two paragraphs back? I blame this entire catastrophe on you. It certainly isn’t my fault I couldn’t stay on task. And you knew that coming into the thing, at least if you read the previous post. If not, and you don’t know me, then, well, I guess you got a taste of what goes on in my head.

Normally there is some semblance of editing on these things, but I’m afraid to go back and read over what I put down. It seems like it be just to0 depressing.

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