War of Waffles. Fight for Flapjacks. The Battle of the Blintz.
Call it whatever you want (except for those names I gave, those are protected by copyright and I have a crack legal team of lawyers ready to sue). There is something that happens once you cross some invisible line. To the north stands IHOP, to the south Waffle House. It wasn’t until 2004 that talk of an IHOP in Kentucky was even heard. The commonwealth’s two largest, most northern cities, Lexington and Louisville, both have an International House of Pancakes now. Everywhere else you’ll see the yellow boxes with black block lettering letting you know you’re in the South.
When and where did this split happen? Neither waffles nor pancakes are really American, per se. It is probably because IHOP contains the word “International.” You are talking about the part of the country that, on occasion, still refers to french fries as “freedom fries” or “American fries.” There is something in the water that makes people a touch xenophobic down here. It goes beyond patriotism. It’s a fright of the unknown.
So here we are, a new Civil War, at hand. Instead of the gray and blue, you have the golden brown and the amber. Its a battle over which way you want your flour, eggs, milk and sugar cooked. I’d probably be deemed a sympathizer since I’m partial to IHOP. It’s not my fault Waffle House can’t put out a better product. While I’m a Southern Gentleman, at least the better half of one, at heart, I hope the north wins this one, and the IHOPs come carpetbagging in.